Trump randomly set his water bottle on the floor. Mike Pence instantly copied him. The Late Program imagines exactly what happened next.

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6:50 a.m. ET

President Trump and several Cabinet members attended a FEMA hurricane-preparedness meeting on Wednesday, and though Trump barely mentioned hurricanes or preparedness in his remarks, he did at one point pick up his water bottle and set it on the floor for no apparent reason. Without missing a beat, Vice President Mike Pence did the exact same thing. Nobody else felt the need to follow Trump's lead and it isn't clear what either Trump or Pence was thinking, but The Late Show imagined what happened next on Thursday's show, and there seems to be an assumption of sycophancy. Watch below. Peter Weber

6:24 a.m. ET

Manuel Antonio Cano Pacheco, a 19-year-old new father who was brought to the U.S. illegally at age 3, would have graduated from high school in Des Moines in May, , but instead he was murdered with a knife to his throat while going out to eat in Zacatecas, Mexico. Cano Pacheco was granted legal residence under the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) program, but U.S. Immigrations and Customs Enforcement said a federal immigration judge revoked his DACA status after a series of misdemeanor arrests, including speeding and drug possession.

ICE spokesman Shawn Neudauer said ICE didn't technically deport Cano Pacheco, but rather escorted him across the border from Laredo, Texas, after he agreed to "voluntary departure, 'under safeguards,'" on April 24. A high school friend in Des Moines, Juan Verduzco, told Basu at Cano Pacheco's June 3 memorial service that his friend was "in the wrong place at the wrong time," out with a friend of a cousin who was apparently known to the killers. Verduzco said Cano Pacheco's life and hopes took a hit when his father was sent to prison on drug charges two or three years ago, making him the de facto breadwinner for his mother and three younger siblings.

ICE says once Cano Pacheco was across the border, he was Mexico's responsibility. In the first six months of 2017, according to Mexican immigration authorities, the U.S. deported more than 31,000 people to Mexico through two of the most dangerous crossing points.

5:26 a.m. ET

U.S. Immigrations and Custom Enforcement acknowledged Thursday night that it is transferring more than 1,600 people arrested at the U.S.-Mexico border to federal Bureau of Prisons facilities, including parents separated from their children. ICE said it will use 1,000 beds at a federal prison in Victorville, California; 209 beds in SeaTac, Washington; 230 beds in La Tuna, Texas; 230 beds in Sheridan, Oregon; and 102 beds in Phoenix. The use of federal prisons "is intended to be a temporary measure until ICE can obtain additional long-term contracts for new detention facilities or until the surge in illegal border crossings subsides," an ICE spokeswoman said.

Washington Gov. Jay Inslee (D) and Attorney General Bob Ferguson asked ICE for more information on the detentions Thursday night, arguing that "the Trump administration's new family separation policy is inflicting intentional, gratuitous, and permanent trauma on young children who have done nothing wrong and on parents who often have valid claims for refugee or asylum status." Crossing the border illegally is usually a misdemeanor, and historically, migrants with no criminal history who are seeking asylum or refugee status were released while their cases proceeded; Trump ended that policy in May.

Immigration advocates aren't the only one upset about ICE's new move. John Kostelnik, head of the union local that represents workers at the Victorville prison, warned in a letter that "we are not staffed adequately to accommodate this change in our mission."

On Wednesday, a federal judge in California criticized Trump's new policy of separating children from their parents at the border, saying the American Civil Liberties Union can move forward with its lawsuit to end the policy. If Trump's "zero tolerance" policy is being carried out as the ACLU describes, wrote U.S. District Judge Dana Sabraw, a George W. Bush appointee, it is "brutal, offensive, and fails to comport with traditional notions of fair play and decency."

4:40 a.m. ET

It can be hard to keep up with all the scandals swirling around EPA chief Scott Pruitt, who is currently the subject of 13 federal investigations. The Late Show has a quick rundown masquerading as a movie trailer.

"The thing that is so shocking about Pruitt's latest round of scandals is that they're so damn petty," including spending more than $3,000 on pens and having an aide try to acquire a used Trump hotel mattress for him, Stephen Colbert said on Thursday night's show. "Well, finally answering the question, 'How does Scott Pruitt sleep at night?' It turns out: in other people's filth." He ran through some other scandals, with commentary, and ended with Pruitt's government-funded forays for moisturizer and a Silence of the Lambs clip.

It's shocking that Pruitt's scandals "haven't come from him trying to destroy the environment," but rather "his little side hustles," Trevor Noah added at The Daily Show. "Normally when you find out about corruption in D.C., it's the kind of corruption that makes you mad — you know, 'Millions in bribes!' But with every new Pruitt revelation, every time you find out, you go, 'Wait, what?'" Like Pruitt trying to officially hustle a Chick-fil-A franchise for his wife: "You're the head of a major government agency, with influence over some of the biggest corporations in the world, and you decide to abuse your position to get your wife a chicken store," he said. "It's like he's Thanos and he's using the Infinity Gauntlet to cut the line at Disney World."

But Pruitt is "finding little grifts all over Washington," and once you realize that he's just extraordinarily cheap, Noah said, "all his other weird scandals start to make more sense." When Pruitt is finally fired, it won't be for ruining the environment, he predicted. "He'll go down doing what he loves," something like "stuffing his pockets with White House toilet paper." Peter Weber

3:26 a.m. ET

Rudy Giuliani's appearance at a Globes conference in Tel Aviv on Wednesday keeps making headlines, first with his suggesting that Kim Jong Un "begged" President Trump "on his hands and knees" to resuscitate their summit, then for his derogatory comments about Stormy Daniels, and finally for his assertion that first lady Melania Trump absolutely doesn't believe Daniels about the extramarital affair she had with Trump in 2006. Anderson Cooper played that part of Giuliani's comments on CNN Thursday night.

"Now, the first lady might have remained quiet about Mr. Giuliani saying she believes her husband and knows it's not true," Cooper said, "but instead this afternoon her communications director came out with a statement: 'I don't believe Mrs. Trump has ever discussed her thoughts on anything with Mr. Giuliani.'"

Dana Bash called that statement "so unusual." "I mean, Anderson, it's unusual for the first lady's office in any White House to put out a statement on anything of this nature, even if they were talking about a political foe," she said. "This is the first lady's office, as you said, slapping down the president, her husband's, attorney," and "she's basically saying to him, 'Cut it out,' but she's also sending a signal in a very carefully worded statement that maybe she doesn't believe her husband. And there's no question that she left it open to interpretation."

Cooper asked legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin what's going on with Giuliani. "Well, I really think this is a question for a psychiatrist more than a legal analyst," he said. "I mean, he's just sort of riffing out there," to the point where Secretary of State Mike Pompeo also slapped Giuliani down on Thursday for his dig at Kim. Toobin added that Trump probably likes Giuliani's televised theatrics, but "I don't think Robert Mueller's office cares a whit about this stuff he says on television."

1:51 a.m. ET

The Justice Department said the ACA's requirement that individuals have health insurance is unconstitutional, because under the tax law President Trump signed last year, effective in 2019, there will no longer be a penalty for the individual mandate. The department also said that the provision barring insurance companies from denying coverage for people who have pre-existing conditions should be invalidated. In February, 20 states sued the federal government, challenging the law's constitutionality.

The decision "is a rare departure from the Justice Department's practice of defending federal laws in court," notes, and three career Justice Department lawyers withdrew from the case right before the filing, replaced by two political appointees. "I find it impossible to believe that the many talented lawyers at the department could not come up with any arguments to defend the ACA's insurance market reforms, which have made such a difference to millions of Americans," said former Solicitor General Donald Verrilli, calling this "a sad moment." Attorney General Jeff Sessions told Congress in a letter on Thursday that President Trump approved the legal strategy.

1:50 a.m. ET

The big summit between President Trump and Kim Jong Un is coming up, and "the stakes are almost as high as Trump and Kim's cholesterol — they're calling this one the Lipitor in Singapore," Stephen Colbert said on Thursday's Late Show. And Trump seems oddly relaxed about the whole thing. "You don't have to prepare," he said, repeating Trump. "Complex diplomacy with an international adversary has always been about 'tude." First lady Melania Trump finally made a public appearance, Colbert added. "Yesterday, she and the president met with FEMA officials to discuss hurricane preparedness — which is appropriate, because she disappeared after a Stormy."

That brought Colbert to his recurrent update on Stormy Daniels. "With everything going on in our busy lives, once in a while it's good to take a moment to stop and remember: Hey, our president had sex with a porn star," he said. Daniels filed a new lawsuit on Wednesday accusing her previous lawyer, Keith Davidson, of being a Trump "puppet" and working with Trump lawyer Michael Cohen against her interests.

"But Hurricane Stormy has also crossed the Atlantic and made landfall in Israel," thanks to an appearance in Tel Aviv by Rudy Giuliani, who belittled and besmirched Daniels and also insisted he doesn't "look at porn," right before telling someone filming his remarks to put the camera down. "Methinks the mayor may be protesting a little too much," Colbert said. He played more of Giuliani's remarks about Daniels, then went there: "Wow, I know Stormy Daniels is an adult-film star, but Rudolph Giuliani might be the biggest d--k she's ever seen — an unpleasant person!" he protested. He ended back on North Korea and, somehow, porn. Watch below. Peter Weber

1:06 a.m. ET

When New Jersey Trooper Michael Patterson pulled Matthew Bailly over last week for a tinted window violation, it wasn't the first time the two had met.

Trooper Stops Retired Police Officer Who Delivered Him 27 Years Ago

Bailly mentioned to Patterson that he was a retired police officer, having worked in Piscataway. Patterson said that was his hometown, and Bailly asked where he grew up. It was a street that Bailly remembered well, and he shared that 27 years ago, he helped a woman there deliver her baby. "My name is Michael Patterson, sir," the trooper responded. "Thank you for delivering me."

On Oct. 5, 1991, Patterson's mother, Karen, came home from shopping and realized she was in labor. Her husband quickly called the doctor and police, and after Bailly arrived, Patterson's doctor coached him through how to deliver the baby over the phone, NJ.com reports. Patterson and Bailly's reunion didn't end with a ticket or on the side of the road — later, Patterson and his mom enjoyed a visit with Bailly and his wife.

Source

http://theweek.com/speedreads/777834/trump-randomly-set-water-bottle-floor-mike-pence-immediately-copied-late-show-imagines-what-happened-next